


Secondhand Shopping

by Cyriae



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 14:11:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15865212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cyriae/pseuds/Cyriae
Summary: Team Greed goes thrift shopping.





	Secondhand Shopping

**Author's Note:**

> Arakawa left a lot up to the the imagination for the time between Greedling joining Ed and when we next see them at the Rockbell's, so here's my take on a little something that Could have happened in that interim. Inspired by @Humming-fly's excellent [Team Greed shenanigan comics](http://humming-fly.tumblr.com/post/176890810680/theyre-all-terrible-best-friends-but-since).

“C’mon, I’ll be quick I promise!” A blond child pleaded with the two large men that stood blocking his path to a nearby store. “This was supposed to be a _fun_ trip, remember?” He gazed imploringly, his attempted puppy dog eyes leaving the men unimpressed.

“We don’t have enough money for food and clothing,” the blond man of the pair said disapprovingly. The child pressed onward. “We’ll just withdraw more! I have plenty-“ The other, dark haired man cut him off. “Because that went so well last time. The answer is still no, let’s go find the street market. Maybe they’ll have those kebabs you like, and those, unlike clothing, will keep you from starving.” Both men stared immovably down at the much shorter figure.

“Well _I_ say we’re going to that store,” another voice drawled. Unnoticed by the trio, the other member of their group had already begun walking towards the shopfront covered in the gaudiest clothing imaginable. “And _I’m_ the boss.” He briefly turned back with a smug grin, jabbing a thumb at his chest before continuing onward. “Heinkel, Darius, Edward, you can carry my things.”

“Well _boss,_ I hope you’re happy going without food for the next month then,” Heinkel called out over Ed’s indignant sputtering. The retreating man waved dismissively over his shoulder. “Eh fine by mnnnnngghgghggg-“ He abruptly stopped in his tracks, grasping his head as his whole body seemed to tense. After a few seconds of silence broken only by the soft _whumph_ of Darius blocking Ed’s escape attempt, Greed turned back to his companions. “I have decided that this will be only a scouting trip to find things which we will come back for when we have more money,” he declared imperiously before pivoting back around and striding once more towards the store.

“Suuuuuuure, YOU decided!” Ed goaded from his position under Darius’s arm. “There, see, we’re just going to look! Let me down! C’mon,” he thumped his fist futilely against the man’s side. The two tall men shared a look, and Darius let Ed fall to the ground. “Fine, but if you walk out of there with anything we’re turning you in to the military.”

Ed’s face had barely hit the dirt before he pushed himself back up, sprinting after his travel companion with a triumphant cry of “YES!”

~~~

Greed sauntered into the dimly lit secondhand store like he owned the place, and Ed followed close behind, eyes gleaming like some (slightly smaller) kid in a candy store. “Ho ho Yes, this is what I’m talking about!” Ed made a beeline for a rack filled entirely by shades of red and black, snagging the brightest colored shirt from the bunch and holding it up appraisingly. From the entrance of the store came the vague sounds of someone keeping an eye on the wayward shoppers.

After flipping through a few more hangers Ed noticed Greed perusing the clothing rack over. “Hey Greedling, think this’ll bring out your eyes?” he chuckled, holding out a burgundy jacket with a silver barbed wire pattern on the arms. Greed looked up from where he’d been inspecting the vest rack and raised an eyebrow. “It’s still just Greed, kid. And no, you gotta have some contrast for that to work.” He turned back to the row of vests, selecting a garish leather piece covered in spikes and skull patches.

“Huh, would’ve thought you’d go for something with fur,” Ed remarked slyly. “Hmm? Oh right,” Greed responded, unconcerned, “I ‘go for’ everything, remember? It’s all mine.” He gestured, grinning, at the racks packed with clothing on the extreme ends of every spectrum. “Yeah yeah, so you’ve mentioned,” Ed replied, rolling his eyes. Some flashy colors drew his gaze, and he pulled a long red coat with bright gold patterning from the rack. Greed looked over with interest. “Now that’s certainly something. What’re the patterns?”

Ed squinted closer in the dim light. “I think it’s a bunch of guys with dog heads- Oh it’s probably werewolves.” They both looked at the coat uncomfortably. Somewhere near the front of the store the muffled sounds of someone large leaning too hard against a cloths rack and nearly falling filtered through.

Ed gingerly put the coat back on the rack without further comment. Looking around, a rack of (probably fake) silk garments under a sign saying “Xingese” got his attention. He grabbed a yellow and turquoise kimono-like robe. “Hey Ling do you have anything like this?”

Greed jerked his head slightly, as if suddenly hearing some loud noises. He smirked, looking mildly impressed. “Wow, these things really seem to piss the brat off. Something about ‘cheap knockoffs,’ and ‘no sane person would wear that.’ And ‘wrong kind of clothing,’ whatever that means.”

Ed’s eyes widened. “Jeeze he really doesn’t like them, huh?” He looked down at the eye-watering robe and grinned mischievously, then swept the robe around his shoulders and adopted an exaggerated pompous expression, sticking his nose in the air and beginning to prance around. “Look at me, I’m the Prince of Xing! I command you to give me all your food, and carry me on my silken couch in case I faint,” he declared in a terrible attempt at a Xingese accent.

Greed chuckled. “He says ‘That’s racist.’ And that you folded the front like a dead person, dunno what he’s talking about though.” He turned to some shelves filled with all manner of shoes and boots. “Aha, what do we have here?”

“Hmph.” Ed carelessly threw the robe back on the rack and nosed over to where Greed was inspecting some leather shoes with pointed toes. “What’re you looking at those for? Those don’t even look cool, and there’s no traction! They’ll be useless in a fight!”

Greed barely glanced up at Ed’s comment. “So?” He picked up a pair with embossed metal toes and bright gold laces. “What does that have to do with anything?”

Ed looked at him disbelievingly. “What d’ya mean ‘What does that have to do with anything!?’ Are you saying you like having your feet slip out from under you when you’re dodging bullets?” He swept his eyes over the footwear, selected a pair of heavy black boots covered in more buckles than should be humanly possible and shoved them in his companion’s face. “See, this is what I’m talking about! Practical _and_ stylish!”

Greed grinned pointedly. “Some of us don’t _need_ to dodge. And don’t worry, someday you’ll learn what the important things in life are, kid.” He gave the shorter boy a couple of head pats.

“Whu- hey!” Ed jumped back indignantly. “What’s that supposed to mean? Your stupid shoes are better than mine? We’ll see whose right when you’re sliding all over the battlefield!” He paused. “Wait that might actually look cool. But you’d also need some control, or you’d be in trouble…” He began muttering to himself as Greed, largely ignoring him, held up some shoes that wouldn’t look out of place at a fairy’s court, to the imperceptible protests of the third member of their group. From a few rows back the muffled sounds of the store owner trying and failing to make small talk with someone drifted over.

“…but roller skates wouldn’t work, they’d need to be retractable… Oh!” Ed snapped his fingers. “Shoes with retractable wheels! Or maybe one, in the heel or something, that’d give you the ability to maintain traction if necessary, yeah!” His face lit up with excitement. “I should ask Winry to cook something up for me!” He grew somber again as he remembered the circumstances when they’d last parted. Hopefully she was fine, of course she was fine, she was Winry, he wasn’t going to think about the fact he’d probably made her cry again when she found out something had happened, he was gonna see her again and then she’d yell at him for scaring her and she’d fix up his automail perfectly like she always did-

“Are you doing that internal monologue thing again?” Greed’s question cut through Ed’s thoughts. “Huh what!? No! What are you talking about,” Ed sputtered in reply, “Mind your own business!” Greed shrugged, moving towards a rack of costume clothing. “Whatever, you had that determined look on your face again, like some kind of cheesy kid story protagonist.”

“How would you know about kid stories, I thought you couldn’t read?” Ed shot back, grumbling as he slouched over to another rack filled with leather pants of varying tastefulness. Greed ignored his jab and held up a long dress completely covered in golden sequins. Noticing what Greed had in his hands, Ed called over, “Hey that’s shiny and all, but it’s a dress!”

“Yeah, so?” Greed said nonchalantly, seeming to admire the excessive sparkles in the dim light. “Yeah, it’s- guh, whatever, you want Everything, how could I forget,” Ed said, snagging a pair of pants with multiple chains and belts sewn around the waist band and shaking them out with a cacophony of clinking. “Ooooh, now those are interesting.” Ed jumped as Greed’s voice came from just behind him. “Hey! Keep your paws off, I saw these first!” Ed glared, bringing his prize against his chest protectively.

“Oh really? And what are you going to do about that?” Greed smirked, tilting his head towards the several inches of pant leg laying flat against the floor from where Ed was holding them up. “I don’t think those really _fit_ your… style.” His smirk widened as he looked down at Ed through smug, half-lidded eyes.

Ed’s indignant retort was interrupted by the cheerful voice of the shop owner, who’d just meandered over to see what these other potential customers were up to. “You might be able to find things more your size in that section over there!” The man helpfully indicated several racks under a sign that read “Children.”

The salesman’s life was spared as Heinkel, materializing as if waiting for this to happen, placed a gently restraining hand over Ed’s face. Holding him well out of reach from the concerned shopkeeper, the tall man politely replied that they wouldn’t need any other assistance.

As the shopkeeper made a quick exit, Heinkel stared sternly down at the flailing boy until his cursing and swinging fists died down. He waited until finally Ed, still grumbling angrily, stopped actively trying to attack the retreating man before releasing his hold. Ed glared up resentfully, smoothing his hair down as he whined, “Hey I don’t need to be baby sat, leave me alone!” The much taller man raised an eyebrow as he replied, “Then I suggest you stop acting like a child throwing a tantrum.”

“Rrrrrrr buzz off, Lion Guy! I outrank you, remember?” Ed angrily turned and stomped away, catching sight of Greed back in front of the costume clothing rack. He was holding a shirt encrusted with fake rhinestones, but it was the weird twitching head movements the other was doing that caught Ed’s attention.

“Hey what’s up? Ha, oh wait, is Ling singing that song you hate again?” Ed thought there was something familiar about Greed’s irritated head-shaking. “Yes,” Greed answered through gritted teeth, “pissant had some complaints about the clothing here and didn’t like my response to ‘can it.’” Ed nodded and patted Greed’s arm in exaggerated sympathy. “How truly terrible. I guess we already knew he had awful taste, and now he’s making you suffer for it? The nerve.” He selected a spiked jacket that somehow had more fringe than sleeves. “I guess some people just can’t appreciate fashion,” he continued, with as much self-awareness as he had height.

Greed let out a low whistle. “Brat hasn’t been this riled up in a long time, he’s moved on to petty insults. I told him that’s usually your job, and even that didn’t shut him up,” he said, half annoyed, half amused. Ed was torn between anger and glee, but in the end, glee won out; due to certain circumstances he’d been unable to truly bother Ling for a while.

With a twinkle in his eye bordering on malicious, Ed grabbed a white-sequined vest and held it up. “See here, with a good red leather coat you could look really slick in this, don’t you think Greed?” The homunculus glanced over, replying unconcernedly, “Huh? Yeah sure, some nice red shoes too.” Greed’s eye twitched involuntarily, and Ed delightedly pressed on.

He valiantly searched the whole rack for the loudest and brightest selections, each time presenting them to Greed for critique and/or ensemble suggestions, and each time Greed gave advice with the half-listening air of someone also trying to tune out other increasingly irksome sounds. Towards the end of the rack Ed pulled up a shawl composed of fluffy, jet black faux fur. “Hey Greedling, how about this one? I think it would go nicely with that skull vest we saw earlier!”

“Which skull vest? And no, you’d want something more like this,” Greed selected what looked like an entirely mesh, long-sleeved crop top and held it up. “You need to pair the textures-“ Abruptly his face contorted and his limbs spasmed, ripping the skimpy shirt in his hands. “YOU BOTH HAVE TERRIBLE TASTE!”

Ed looked in shocked surprise at the sudden shift in Greed’s tone and expression for a moment, before realizing what had happened. He began to grin in satisfied triumph before another, even angrier voice made him freeze.

“Hey! You break it, you buy it!” Ling’s outburst coupled with the sound of tearing fabric had brought the store owner zipping over, and he now stood, arms crossed, glaring at the problem customers.

“Uh.” Ling looked down at the now even more revealing shirt in his hands with the expression of someone realizing he might be about to experience a consequence. “Heh heh, oops?” His sheepish expression morphed into something haughtier as he continued in a jarringly different voice, “Of course, we’ll be happy to pay for it. Heinkel?” Greed turned to the tall man, who’d appeared at the first sign of trouble, currently regarding the trio with an expression of utmost disappointment. “Would you be so kind as to handle the transaction?”

~~~

“Well I’d say that was a very successful shopping trip, don’t you agree, Greed?” Ed had a cheeky smile plastered all over his face. “How thoughtful of Ling to let his friends get something nice.” Ed’s companion chuckled as if hearing a silent groan of dismay, replying, “Very true, very true. I’ll have to wear it often as a thank you. We’ll have to come back for that wrap sometime too.” From behind them came the indistinct sounds of Heinkel using his well-honed bartering skill of Being Seven Feet Tall to haggle the price down to something that wouldn’t bankrupt them.

Off down the street they could see Darius returning with a bag suitably stuffed with groceries. Heinkel finally exited the store and gave them another displeased look before walking off to join his partner. Greed began to follow suit, before briefly turning back, eyes glittering, and giving Ed a toothy smirk. “Oh, and kid? The shirt is Mine.” Ed sputtered as Greed swaggered after Heinkel. “Tch, hey! Fine, it’s broken anyway!” He gave the store behind him one last longing glance before running off to join the rest of his team.


End file.
